Friday, June 17, 2005

Searching For One Thing, Found Something Else

It's interesting how search engines work. All I did was type in the name of the person that I was doing a websearch on, and up pops a list of my maybes. The very first maybe was one that I was not expecting. It turned out to be a page of memories dedicated to various people that have committed suicide, varying from children to seniors. (By the way, the person that I was looking for was not on that page, just someone else with the same name) Out of curiosity I clicked to see the list of photos and then I got sucked in. I was taken back when the youngest face was only 11, just 3 1/2 years older than my son. What made these people do it? What pain did they have inside that was so bad that they just had to end everything? Why couldn't they find any other way?

What could have...

Well, why didn't...

Maybe if they...

So many questions left unanswered. I clicked on a few others, mostly kids from 11 to 15 because I can't understand what is so bad at that age that just makes so many like them give up. Some of them had stories, others just memories posted, some had just a picture. The 11 year old shot himself in the head. One mother found her 13 year old hanging in the bathroom. THIRTEEN! I couldn't imagine, and don't ever want to find out that feeling. After reading his story and crying my eyes out, I composed myself, washed my face and spent some time with my kids.

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